Every session in Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 is a unique adventure, not just because of its brutal realism and unforgiving medieval setting, but also due to the sheer absurdity that unfolds at every turn. Below are some of the most hilariously unexpected side quests I encountered while exploring Bohemia. These tales are spoiler-free, focusing solely on the game's unpredictable charm and quirky adventures.
Table of Contents
- Laboring for Troubadours, Only to Receive a Terrible Song
- Rescuing an Alcoholic Hunter... and Delivering Him Straight to the Tavern
- Confronting the Polovtsians, Only to Philosophize with a Dog
- Going Rogue as a Thief and Paying the Price
- Selling a Stolen Horse and Meeting Gypsies
- Why Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 Stands Out
Laboring for Troubadours, Only to Receive a Terrible Song
In the charming town of Želejov, nestled in the heart of the game's map, two lazy troubadours dream of musical conquest. They lack funds, instruments, and any real artistic direction—should they sing of noble ideals or beautiful women? Henry, ever the helpful soul, embarks on a quest to aid these aspiring musicians. This involves stealing a lute (risking arrest!), procuring new strings made from sheep intestines, and even settling their debt with the innkeeper. After countless errands across Bohemia, the troubadours are finally ready. Their reward? A soul-crushingly dull song about Henry's mundane tasks—stealing, butchering sheep, and hauling bags. The locals cringe, Henry facepalms, and I burst into laughter.
Rescuing an Alcoholic Hunter... and Delivering Him Straight to the Tavern
Remember those lute strings? They require the craftsmanship of a local hunter, Vojtěch, who, unfortunately, is a drunkard. He's found himself in a precarious situation—stuck in a tree after a run-in with wolves. The intended rescue involves carrying him back to camp, saving his horse, and helping him sober up. But what if you decide to deliver him directly to the nearest tavern instead? I did just that. The ensuing chaos, complete with Vojtěch's less-than-grateful reaction and our later, equally memorable encounter, is a testament to the game's unpredictable nature.
Confronting the Polovtsians, Only to Philosophize with a Dog
The Polovtsians, responsible for the destruction of Henry's hometown, are the game's antagonists. Finding them causing trouble in a tavern, I anticipated a violent confrontation. Instead, I found myself socializing, matchmaking, and singing drunken songs with them. The unexpected highlight? A philosophical conversation with a talking dog that led to a daring (and hilarious) attempt to swim across a lake.
Going Rogue as a Thief and Paying the Price
After mastering stealth and burglary, a single botched heist turned me into Bohemia's most wanted. A simple oversight—failing to remove incriminating accessories and wash off the stench of my crime—led to a swift arrest. The game's attention to detail is remarkable; it wasn't the theft itself, but the evidence left behind that sealed my fate.
Selling a Stolen Horse and Meeting Gypsies
Stealing a horse and attempting to sell it to a sleeping gypsy horse trader, Mikolaj, resulted in a comical chase scene and a long, excruciating wait for Mikolaj to finish his breakfast before the deal could be made. This seemingly minor escapade evolved into another hilarious misadventure, highlighting the game's immersive and unpredictable nature.
Why Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 Stands Out
These anecdotes merely scratch the surface of what makes Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 so special. Every decision, no matter how small, has consequences. From rescuing drunkards to philosophizing with dogs, the game provides endless entertainment. Its commitment to realism and immersion makes each playthrough a unique and unforgettable experience. Bohemia awaits!
